Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
