why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
