Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
