It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
