that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
