Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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