why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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