Yo dont text me then not text me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
