I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
