Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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