my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
