there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
