Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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