everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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