It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
