She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
