all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
