wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
