i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
