The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
