Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
