just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
