I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
