Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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