There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
