i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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