My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize