"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
