I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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