there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
