Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
