i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
