Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
