I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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