no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
