Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
