You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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