I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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