I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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