dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
