I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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