the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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