someone owes me an orgasm
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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