Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
