Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
