It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ugly people sure do ruin things
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
