lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
