Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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