I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Michael Bay diarrhea
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
