she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
