Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
