I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
