stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
