Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
