I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Let's get the cat blown out
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
