dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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