Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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