The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
