spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
