I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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