I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
