I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
