WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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