i came on her dog
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i've created a new STD.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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