I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
